A Cambodian Tale

It's a strange feeling that overcomes you when you're sitting on a beach near Brighton Marina, quietly reading the Saturday edition of 'The Guardian' when you turn the page to see a double page spread interview and large photo, with a bloke who was one of your brother's best friends at university and has now created a think tank,is raising millions of pounds in a short space of time and is providing your friend and mine,David Cameron,with a lot of his current thinking.
His name is Phillip Blond and he is without doubt a highly intelligent man whom, whenever I met him,was quite happy to make that fact abundantly clear.He has certain views that are rooted in theology(he was a lecturer in divinity for a long time) and his latest wheeze is what he calls 'Red Toryism'.I found the interview illuminating,but thought the interviewer found him out. The very idea of a kind of red Tory suggests a chameleon like belief and indeed even Phillip's background propagates this,as he himself points out,having led what he says was a mixed upbringing in Liverpool. Sure, he followed the standard working class existence but also wallowed in middle-class frivolity as his father was a gallery owner/artist and this possibly is now reflected in his political views. When I think back 20 years or so to the Thatcher hating pair that were Phillip and my brother(as most of us were) and now gaze upon this man who is supplying the Eton educated Tory leader with some of his ideas,virtually saying that abortion should be criminalized but at the same time railing against Tescos I'm left thinking that if one seeks the limelight then it brings upon you certain changes in thinking. No doubt Phillip would out think and out argue me and probably make me feel inferior as he usually did but I was left with one overriding impression having read the article........ Phillip,you're all bluster but then what do I know,I'm just a nobody.

Am in Bedford now and spent the last ten minutes trying to think of positive and fascinating things to say about the place........nope,it's impossible.I suppose the park is well designed and it has some varied bird life(saw a huge heron diving for fish)but other than that I'm struggling.This is the place where John Bunyon wrote 'Pilgrim's Progress' for gods sake and where the great Ronnie Barker grew up trying to find a place that sold four candles.
The 'campus'that is the University of Bedfordshire is quaint,to put it politely and my room resembles a cell which if I turn in one direction can actually envelop me and swallow me whole.I won't even mention the food.......well yes I will actually.It is like stepping back in time when I was a mere youngling and was eating vile stuff such as swede and runner beans.I have even discovered butterscotch mousse here,possibly bought from the people who brought us 'Angel Delight'.It is safe to say that together with my running I will hopefully lose a few pounds on my sojourn here as my plate becomes increasingly emptier each evening as I decide on less and less of the fare on offer.
On the positive side ......no,it's still a thankless task trying to think of one.The town centre is a desparate place full of men who look like weasels,with a pallour to match walking around in shapeless tracksuits and an air of despondency everywhere.Why is it that all mid-size town centres look the same now?
If you are from Bedford I probably sound very disparaging about your town,but I can only write about what I see and think.Burgess Hill has never seemed so welcoming!!!

So here I am in Canterbury teaching 13-16 year olds from the far flung depths of Europe and beyond and loving every minute of it.It is quite amazing to see how well Serbians mix with Spanish students,how well Russian fraternise with Italian students.To be honest,as far as a lot of the students are concerned they could be from Mars as teenage hormones are flying around and the main object seems to be the pursuit of happiness if you know what I mean!
We visited Cambridge on Saturday with mainly Greek and Spanish students and yours truly conducted a walking tour!I suppose I volunteered as knowing that my voice has a certain boom like quality,I thought that it would be heard above the massed ranks of tourists.Consequently I amazed the students with my knowledge of Lord Byron and his bear(no cats and dogs allowed),the fine art of punting,the gothic architecture of Kings College and the fact that "Heffers" is the second biggest book shop in the UK(even though I would dispute that having been in)
It was gratifying to see that the students,being surrounded by fantastic architecture,seats of learning and graduates bedecked in their gowns and finery arrived back at the meeting point having bought "whoopee cushions" from a local joke shop.So it's not just the Brits then.
Not having spent a great deal of time in Cambridge before it was pleasant to wander round and take in the vibe,as they say.One thing did strike me however.....why do we seem to have no shame in placing a cheap,tacky "Bonne Marche" retail store directly opposite a 700 year old building or creating signage that does nothing for the historical integrity of the buildings in front of you.I noted numerous examples of this and just think it devalues our heritage,brings everything down to a cheap level and feel that if I was in a similarly historic town in say,Italy for example,the local town square or equivalent would not be festooned with bright neon and adverts that are aimed at the urban sub-class.... oh-oh I'm revealing my latent snobbery.
Another revealing sign of this is in Canterbury.It's Sunday I think to myself,so I'll take in the cathedral as I have the day off.Easy to locate,find the entrance and what do I see before my eyes? A branch of "Starbucks" adjoining the entrance of Britain's most important and venerated religious sites!!! Now,I am no soap box shouting,religious zealot but one of capitalism's most potent enterprises stuck next to the place where Thomas Becket was murdered..... I think not!
I wandered in and took in evensong,which to many of you reading this will be a surprise as you'll be thinking "when did he ever set foot in a church on a Sunday?"
Unfortunately,Dr.Rowan was away but the whole experience was really quite moving.Now before you start to wonder,I haven't just seen the light but will explain why I found it all so memorable.
Basically it was the music,and not the lessons that were read that grabbed me.Backed by the boys of the Canterbury choir who are apparently up their with the best,the organist was performing his last evensong before leaving and he really went for it!The music was soul enhancing,bewitching and incredibly powerful and the organist performed a solo at the end that matched any great individual musical performance that I've ever heard.For those of you who know Steve Vai,it was as if he was playing the organ himself.Lots of 'widdling' and dextrous finger work involved.A huge round of applause went up at the end and remember we were in the hallowed portals of Canterbury cathedral.Of course the acoustics are the absolute best and it's easy to see how people can get taken away to another place when experiencing this kind of thing.However I left feeling uplifted if not a little moved,went home,poured myself a glass of water,turned around only to find it had changed into a beautiful glass of wine!! Work it out for yourself.... as Frankie Howard used to say.."oh please yourselves".

It's 1988 and I'm working illegally at Tower Records on 66th and Broadway. The people I worked with were for the most part a great bunch of folks and the perks were great, including lots of free tickets to shows, a free box seat at Shea stadium for New York Mets baseball games and lots of partying if you know what I mean........ I was 24 years old!
Now, at the time I was going out with a half Peruvian goddess who obviously had questionable taste............. she agreed to go out with yours truly and she liked Michael Jackson whereas I was listening to bands like Ministry. However,as I was well and truly smitten and would do anything to appease her.... she was quite a feisty personality,just ask my friend Dave Alder, ...... I asked my boss to keep me in mind if any freebies became available for the upcoming BAD tour. Anyway he came through for me on the day of the show and I was, I'll admit, quite excited.
However,there was a snag.My Peruvian goddess had enrolled at a design school and I realized that she would be in class when we were meant to be traveling to the Meadowlands Arena in New Jersey. What to do? Remember this was a pre-mobile/cell phone era and everything was in black and white but being a spontaneous kinda guy I figured that I would take a chance and leg it down to the design schools location and take a chance. After all my relationship could be under threat if I did nothing and how often does someone have the opportunity to see the "king of pop"?
I arrived at said destination and tracked down the goddess's classroom. Luckily the door had a window and I frantically leapt up and down waving my arms in a ridiculous manner and finally she noticed me. What was I doing? I waved the tickets about, did a moondance and through the glass heard a loud scream emitted followed by lots of apologizing and apparent excuses mixed with lies being made. Before I knew it she came tearing out of the room and I was hugged and kissed to death and nearly deafened by more screams.
We now had to make our way to the New Jersey Transit that took you from the cultural environs of Manhattan to the desolate wasteland that is Sopranos country. We were pushed for time and had to run a lot, but made it and eventually realized we had good seats and waited to be dazzled. Suddenly a cacophony of screaming....... is the show about to start? No, it's just Michael Jordan taking his seat. More hysteria and a young pre-woman beating Mike Tyson takes his seat. As you can imagine the stars were out in force and even New York's current African American mayor David Dinkins made an appearance.
Eventually MJ took to the stage to what I can only describe as mass devotion, worship and obsessive behavior. Mind you, what followed in the next two hours was showmanship that was one of a kind. I might as well have been a worm as far as my Peruvian was concerned and the previous, cynical me who had been winding her up for the previous hour or so was reduced to a grudging admiration and even a slight tapping of the foot, followed by my version of dancing which resembled a cat that had imbibed catnip.
Show over I was told that I was the greatest boyfriend in the world and that I should expect lots of nudge,nudge wink,wink. Wahey, it was worth it!!! After all, this was the man that had had to endure Barry Manilow at the Beacon Theater in Manhattan and fought tooth and nail for Madonna tickets at the Meadowlands, all for the love of a good woman.
So, in summary that is how Michael Jackson touched my life. He also caused me endless grief at work when "BAD" came out as being head buyer I was under threat of castration if we sold out and so I went slightly over the top, blew my budget for the month and the store became like a shrine to the gloved one. However, I forgive him for that as he was the reason I got lots of nookey for the next few weeks...... sorry to put that image in your head for those of you who have met me!
At least I didn't have to 'beat it' for a while. RIP Jacko..... thanks for helping me out!

I'm no longer in Cambodia and am now in the UK finding some work,looking for a place to live so that A and C can get their lives back and watching cricket at Hove whilst my nose goes red.
I have also been accepted for The Great North Run at the end of September and after getting the all clear from the quack who told me that my knees are ok,am running on behalf of MAG(Mine Advisory Group) who are based in Manchester and do essential work all over the world . You can visit their website on www.maginternational.org to find out all about them.
I have set up a web page whose address is www.justgiving.com/davidrichards45 and any amount large or small that is donated will be greatly appreciated by yours truly.
Now,wish me luck as I train like a demon,shove 3 ibuprofen down my neck every day to stop my knees flaring up and get in a fit state to run the thing. /Users/andyh/Desktop/justgiving_badge10.gif

I'm only writing this post out of a sense of duty and slight foreboding.The scaremongers have been out in their droves recently mainly because the security situation seems to be becoming far more unstable and stories of crime are on the increase.
Just last night there was an apparent shoot out on Norodom Boulevard(one of the main thoroughfares in the city)involving what was described as a "spectacular SUV" and a "grubby motorcycle".......spectacular not being a word I would use,but I digress,and through an ex-pat site that I'm registered with,I read various accounts of sustained gunfire,basically because the guy in the SUV was pissed off that the "grubby" motorbike had dared to infringe on his right of way.It turns out that the driver was the son of a very high ranking police official and in the words of the local upholders of the law "they wouldn't dare speak to someone from that family"!!
A fairly typical situation,but one that seems to be on the rise.People being robbed at gunpoint even by your tuk-tuk driver is now prevalent,and just the other night a woman was involved in a motorbike drive by bag snatch outside my digs.Worry not,as I always use the same drivers and they know me,and I know them.Bags are also something I tend to leave at home.
Blimey,I do sound negative.It all adds to the fun and anyway,I always felt far more apprehensive at kicking out time on a Saturday night in Acton.
Not much else to report,apart from the fact that I am missing the UK in more ways than I thought and that I have been feeling under the weather,but then what's new.Probably got a parasite in me somewhere,so I'm rattling at the moment due to pill intake.

I journeyed back to Cambodia last Tuesday/Wednesday with the usual mix of apprehension and excitement.The trip was fairly routine except for one notable exception.On arrival at Kuala Lumpur Airport at 5.00 a.m. local time having come from the UK,we were all shepherded into a cordoned off area.Now,on the flight over it had been made apparent that Malaysia was in full panic mode over swine flu,and we had an extra form to fill out......"were we feeling feverish?","had we come into contact with anyone with symptoms?" and "did we have a particular penchant for bacon?"...that sort of thing.All passengers were met with faceless bureaucrats(literally as they were all wearing face masks)and medical staff in the obligatory white coats and herded into an international departure lounge that had been converted into a temporary medical center.
After a 12 hour flight I would defy anyone to be feeling tip-top and the chances that your readings would be slightly haphazard is fairly certain,but then I'm no Dr.Kildare.
Anyway,I was ordered to take a seat and surrounded by screens and people rushing around as though their lives depended on it,had a thermometer shoved in my earhole.
"Slightly elevated"I was told.
"Are you feeling shivery?" I was asked.
"In this heat,you've gotta be kidding"I replied.
I was given some leaflets on what to do if I started routing around for truffles and was sent packing.I didn't have the energy to say that I was in transit and would be on my way soon.

Strange atmosphere in Phnom Penh at the moment.Although realising it is low season,I was amazed on Saturday night to see so many empty bars,and a level of quietness that I haven't witnessed in some time.Maybe I just caught a duff night,but it all seems unusual.Apparently,many ex-pats are leaving as NGO's are letting people go due to lack of funding.I guess if the sponsorship isn't there then that's it.Property prices have fallen by up to nearly 40% and even the rental market is a lot,lot cheaper now.
Hell,I've only been away for 5 weeks,although have only spent one week here in the last 10 so with the onset of the rainy season and other happenings I guess much could have changed in that time.I've also arrived during loads of public holidays(Royal Ploughing Ceremony,Kings Birthday etc.)which is a tad inconvenient,but never mind.Getting an apartment will be easy enough,a job on the other hand could be more problematic!!Still a new CV is being readied,photos will be taken(everyone always wants a photo)and the internet has been scoured and after the hols I hopefully will have people to see.
Now,if only I can get some sleep!!!

You see I really do miss all things British particularly when it comes to a lack of reality TV and thought that requires the use of brain cells.I have been accused of a lack of patriotism,forsaking my closest friends and acting like the Anthony Blunt of modern times. Far from it as treading the old roman paths of "ye olde England" has given me a new found appreciation for anglo appreciation.
I only have 2 days left now before leaving for sweaty old Cambodia and having spent a great deal of time surrounded by family and friends I can only say that tears are apparent and that Yasmin gets more adorable every time I see her. I do worry that at 4 years old my niece will see me as a fleeting memory in her pink and yellow world and that Josh my 6 year old nephew will hate me for leaving after having introduced him to the laser game which involves forcefields,swords and " booby games" that mean that my sisters bras are flung in my general direction..... yes my niece and nephew are officially strange.

I do look forward to my South East Asian return and all the strange circumstances that surround it, but a mixture of feelings arise and I love to wallow. Said goodbye to Drew and Jill yesterday and I felt somewhat strange and a little guilty....... am I taking them for granted? They have looked after me so well,fed me and put up with all my wittering and we said goodbye on quite a low key moment. Not that I'm one for teary farewells, but I felt that D and J deserved more, so I say now in the presence of the digital super highway, if you ever stay in Brighton, East Sussex,England look up Jill and Drew as they will treat you fabulously.

If anyone has any suggestions as to what to do whilst sitting in an airport for six hours, I welcome all ideas. I only say this as my Ian Rankin book will only last for so long and the airport at Kuala Lumpor is currently a building site. Well there we go..... purely selfish,nothing that enhances human kind....... just my traveling difficulties, but they're mine...ALL MINE!! I look forward to tomorrow as we are watching films all chosen secretly whilst nibbling on junk food and coiffing fine wine. My film is " Black Windmill" starring Michael Caine and as far as I know the only major production to mention Hassocks, the small village where I grew up.
Take care and give me some shorts.

On arriving at Stansted Airport I expected tumbleweeds to be blowing across the tarmac,soothsayers proclaiming that the end of the world is nigh and raggedy urchins running around asking for "a few pennies mister".
Nothing of the sort.Dear old England seems pretty much the same to me,but then I haven't got a mortgage or job to worry about here and children are notably absent from my life.Of course on arriving in Brighton I have observed more boarded up shops than usual and the price of your average item has notably risen after 15 months away,but then this always happens.
We do like a good old moan in these parts,it's just that people have something serious to actually moan about now.There are always cultural differences that you notice,and this time around I've really picked up on people holding doors for you,waiting for ever and ever and ever in banks/post offices etc,people showing open displays of affection(which is a criminal offence in S.E.Asia)and the differnce in eating habits.These are all fairly obvious things but important all the same.

It's not that I dislike my homeland....far from it,and I think it would be disingenuous to start slagging off aspects of life left,right and centre as there are many things that I miss and enjoy in equal measure.Visiting the cinema,walking around a great old town,being chased by my niece and nephew amongst other things.It's always the same.......you miss home and you miss home.By that I mean that wherever I seem to be I look forward to being somewhere else!

I leave for Cambodia on the 5th May and am anticipating changes.

A while since my last meanderings.Here is a trip to Vietnam in a nutshell.
Saigon/HCMC: Great museums,escorting old ladies across the crazy HCMC streets,bia hoi at 12,000 dong a glass(about 12p),learning about Cao Dai,eating the best Vietnamese food,Madam Cuc and her happy group of helpers,watching the river traffic from the top of the Majestic Hotel at sunset.

Mui Ne:Sitting by the sea eating grilled catfish after choosing my victim,wandering up the fairy stream and feeling as though a dinosaur woud appear round the corner any second,meeting Kev and Yvette for the first time(my kind of people),arriving at the white sand dunes and being amazed by the sheer enormity of them,sunset at the red dunes,discovering my own private beach and swimming naked(that's why it had to be private!)

Dalat:Travelling through some very sheer mountain cliffsides to get there with the driver assuming we were on a normal motorway,thinking I was in a Swiss resort,a blanket needed at night,pine trees in Vietnam,seeing roasted dog for the first time,setting off on a 4 day motorbike oddysey,coffee plantations,vegetable gardens,fields of flowers,seeing the biggest rat I've seen in my life(and I lived in NYC)

Central Highlands:Hiep a wonderful traveling companion,wondering what amazing view will appear around the corner,"Chicken village" home to the H'mong ethnic minority,visiting a family who made rice paper spring rolls the traditional way and fed me like a king,seeing hills where nothing grows still due to Agent Orange,real jungle,misty Lak Lake at 7 in the morning,falling asleep to the sound of very loud bullfrogs,views views and more views,elephants,pot bellied pigs and three of the most incredible waterfalls I have seen,one of which had two crazy guys fishing right on the edge and one of which I stood behind.

Nha Trang: Six foot waves that were a challenge,visiting the surrounding islands with the unique Mama Linh,floating bars,being forced to sing Yellow Submarine accompanied by a woman wearing a tin on her head and a drumkit that was made up of old waste buckets and a cymbal that looked like a nibbled on biscuit,falling asleep on the beach to be woken by a rather large German woman who told me in no uncertain terms that I was going RED!!!

Hoi An:Tailors,tailors and more tailors(oh and lanterns too),Cau Lao,White Rose(a local dish),more boat trips,walking the pristine streets of the old town(thinking how much my friend Jill would love it here),getting up at 4.30 a.m. to visit My Sun temple a very old Cham reigious site and feeling very small surrounded by an ethereal mist that shrouded the whole place at 6.30 in the morning,being held up leaving as the President of Laos passed us on his way to visit My Sun,having a pair of shoes made ridiculously cheaply and being told they were the biggest pair the cobbler(?) had ever made,standing idly by as a snake shot out of wall only to be torn to bits by the family's terrier!

Hue:The greatest train journey I have ever taken to get to Hue through jungle on one side and sea views on the other,ancient royal capital and an enormous citadel,pagodas of stunning beauty,cycling to the beach and a famous pagoda,cycling into the hills in rain(what's that?)and seeing women making incense sticks in a way that looked like it had been passed down over many years,eating in a reaturant by the river whilst the house band played a selection of western Christmas songs in the middle of March.

Hanoi: Mist,drizzle,narrow high streets in the Old Quarter,being told off by the police for trying to take a photo in a sensitive area,great old Communist billboards,seeing Ho Chi Minh in his mausoleum(very small hands),huge groups of schoolchildren saying Hello to me as I say Xinh Chau back,acting the fool for said children and making them laugh,in Ho Chi Minh museum teaching the kids some English as they were meant to be watching a very poor quality film about the "American War",Ca Cha,bia hoi at 3,000 dong(about 10p),feeling at times as though I was in a scene from Blade Runner,water puppets,insane use of horns.

Halong Bay:Overwhelming,natural wonder,over 5,000 islands rising out of the sea,ME kayaking around the islands(although accompanied by a very patient Canadian guy from British Columbia who knew what he was doing,unlike me),sleeping on a very small boat and beconming slightly alarmed in the night when the wind got up together with huge crashing and scraping noises.......just 2 boats moored together banging against each other,being awoken on the second morning to the most incredible sunrise,caves that didn't look real but more like a film set.

To sum up:I've missed many things/experiences,but Vietnam proved to be a country of world class scenery and a country of contrasts.I saw desert,mountains,pine forests,seascapes that blew you away,waterfalls,caves and urban areas of massive interest.All I can say is.......GO!!